"The Upside of Unrequited" by Becky Albertalli (Review)

"I'm on the toilet at the 9:30 Club, and I'm wondering how mermaids pee."

From the moment I opened this book to the moment I closed the back cover, I could not stop smiling. First of all, Molly Peskin-Suso is one of the most relatable main characters I have ever encountered, and I felt happy and sad and proud of her through every twist and turn of her journey. Albertalli perfectly captures the personality of a socially anxious girl who is afraid to do everything she believes being a teenager entails. Never before have I seen social anxiety written so well--Albertalli's experience as a psychologist definitely shines in her work.

The humor is quite endearing (though at some points a little overkill, but it fits the characters and the story), and I loved the pop culture references. Allusions always make a story feel so much more REAL.

I also adored the relationship that Molly has with her sister. It's heartwarming and so, so authentic. I was nearly reduced to tears when they eventually came to the conclusion that, yes, eventually all siblings grow apart and find new people to be their confidants. It's a depressing subject, but the real, raw emotion expressed in her simplistic writing style is beautiful and poignant.

The one aspect of this book that I didn't enjoy so much is its political side. I'm always a supporter of writers making political statements through their storytelling, but Albertalli went a bit overboard with this one. It was too much at once and she made her opinions far too obvious. The best way to make a good, thought-provoking statement in a novel is not to state it outright or drag it out of the characters' mouths, but rather to weave it seamlessly into the story. Show, not tell.

Other than that, though, this book was lovely. I highly recommend it to any contemporary YA reader who enjoys the work of John Green, David Levithan, and the like. Definitely a full five stars!

"Because that's the thing about change. It's so painfully normal. It's the most basic of all tragedies...and it's weird how I can know this, but it doesn't make it hurt less."

Selfishness: The Human Condition

"Good character consists of recognizing the selfishness that inheres in each of us and trying to balance it against the altruism to which we should all aspire." - Alan Dershowitz

Selfishness—it’s what we all despise and condemn. It’s everything we never want to project onto our outer facades because we all want to be seen as good, kind, caring people. However, deep inside, it’s a trait we all carry. It dictates our every decision, decides our aspirations, controls our very lives. “But,” you protest, “what about the things we do for others? What about self-sacrifice?” Most humans, at one point, will attempt to do something selfless. Acting out of love or respect for others does exist, of course, but true selflessness does not. It may appear prominent on the surface of many, and we worship them as heroes, but these so-called “good deeds” and “acts of kindness” are rooted in our brains to a much larger force. Pure selflessness can be proven to be completely nonexistent.

Imagine a scenario in which you have just escaped a house fire. You perform a head count of your family when you realize someone’s missing. You choose, in a split-second decision, to run back inside the building and rescue them. Is this a selfless act? Not entirely. You are, of course, sacrificing your health and possibly even your life for someone else—but what are you gaining from it? Quite a lot, actually. You are saving the life of your family member, some who makes you happy. Attempting to save someone or something because it brings joy to you is inherently selfish. You are also, most likely, going to be publicly praised and admired for your actions. Even if we deny that we do, every single one of us desires adoration. We all want to feel appreciated. This is also technically selfish.

Now let’s remove a few of these details. Let us first imagine that this person you are rescuing from the fire is a stranger, someone you have never met before. Saving their life would be less selfish, wouldn’t it? Wrong. Firstly, you would still gain the public attention, possibly even more so, and secondly, you would gain quite a large sense of pride. Try saying “I rescued a stranger from a burning building” out loud. Feels good, doesn’t it? Well, “feeling good” is what all of us strive for with every decision we make, whether we know it or not. And if we make a choice because our instincts tell us that we will feel bad or guilty if we don’t do it, the choice is a selfish one. Even if someone is completely unaware of how “good” doing something morally correct will make them feel, they are making that choice because they know that if they don’t, they will feel bad. One may even decide to perform an act of kindness because of this fact only. Therefore, selfishness can apply to every action of “doing the right thing”—even if you don’t know the person you are helping or won’t get any praise for it.

It is interesting how religions view selfishness. “Love your neighbor as yourself” is a commandment in the Church that plays off of human selfishness and urges Christians to project those feelings onto others. Many other religions have similar views and laws in place. If we follow these rules, though, are we truly acting selfless? The answer is, once again, no. Why do Christians follow the teachings of the Church? Why does eighty-four percent of the human population follow a religion? It’s not just because they think it is “correct” and “good,” despite what you may hear. It is out of fear—the fear of the consequences of doing something wrong—and the desire to reach an afterlife. There is not a single religion that does not place emphasis on the idea that if you die as a “good” person, you will reach some sort of reward or paradise after death. Many also believe that some deity will punish you for doing anything morally wrong. Therefore, one of the main motivators for most people to do anything “good” is the desire of a peaceful, happy afterlife—selfishness. Does this mean that unreligious people are less selfish than the religious? No. They just have slightly different selfish motivations.

The idea that every single person is inherently, instinctually selfish and that a choice without it does not exist may seem like a dark view of humanity, but it is actually just a realist one. Every species of animal is selfish as well, every action of theirs taken for their own survival, but do we consider them to be selfish in the same way we do for a human? Not usually. We see it as them just doing what they need to in order to live and thrive. It is their nature, and it is ours, too. Selfishness is not necessarily evil. Saving someone from a fire is not an act of immorality, even if some of the motivations for it are selfish. Only sometimes can selfishness get out of hand; that is the kind we usually see and point out.

Is there, then, any hope for controlling human selfishness or suppressing it entirely? In some ways, yes. If we assess every decision we make and figure out how it is tied to our own benefits, we can become more aware of it. We can work to make decisions that, even if they are for our own advantage, do not harm anyone else. If an action is motivated by selfishness and knowingly hurts others in the process, it is a truly immoral one. Humans are not predisposed to evil, just oriented by our own individual needs and desires.

If you’re looking for more examples, take this essay. Why did I write it? Well, quite obviously, I want it to gain attention. I want to be applauded for my writing and ideas. I also find great joy in writing—it makes me feel good. I can fully admit that almost every reason for writing this and posting it is selfish. Everything I do and likely everything you do as well is motivated by self-interest. It is simply how humans’ brains are hardwired. The results of our actions are what really matter.